5 Reasons Why Therapy is the “Manliest” Thing a Man Can Do

While the shift in the stigma around men’s mental health is changing, there is still a misconception that therapy is considered “feminine,” merely a place to have a shoulder to cry on, and where “nothing gets done.” Quick judgments are often made when one doesn’t allow themselves to be open and curious.

Therapy is challenging, and I find that the people who enter my office are taking a significant step, displaying courage, seeking relief from suffering, and valuing personal growth and change. Emotions do not make you weak; they are universal to all humans. You just need to learn how to process, manage, and sit with them. Pushing them down and repressing them is not the answer.

Currently, my clients are evenly split, with 50% being men and 50% women. So, anyone who claims that therapy is exclusively for women is mistaken. Being in therapy, being vulnerable, and talking about one’s emotions and issues, are not signs of weakness.

I encourage you to try. While this post primarily targets my male audience, it applies to others as well. These are just some aspects of therapy.

Now, let’s delve into the five compelling reasons why therapy is, in fact, the “manliest” thing a man can do.

1. Confrontation is Necessary

The outdated notion of “Man up and shut up” promotes the idea that strength comes from suppressing emotions and avoiding confrontation. However, this approach actually weakens us. Shoving down the parts of your life that hurt is not a form of confrontation; it’s avoidance, and it’s essentially running away from the challenges life presents. True growth and change can only occur when we confront our issues head-on.

• Empirical Evidence: Numerous studies, such as a 2016 review in the American Psychologist, have shown that emotional suppression and avoidance are linked to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems. Confrontation and expression of emotions, on the other hand, have been associated with improved mental health and overall well-being.
  

2. You Will be Challenged

In therapy, you won’t just be validated, supported, and heard; you’ll also be challenged. Therapists gently call you out and question your contradictions, forcing you to think deeply. This process can be uncomfortable, but it’s essential for personal growth and change.

• Empirical Evidence: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), a commonly used therapeutic approach, has been found to be effective in challenging and changing maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors. Research consistently demonstrates the benefits of such challenges in therapy for addressing issues like depression and anxiety.

3. It’s Courageous

As Brené Brown wisely said, “There is no courage without vulnerability.” Therapy is a place where your emotional walls need to come down to move forward. You’ll have to face and process pain, fear, grief, insecurities, and shame—those parts of yourself you may have been avoiding or denying.

• Empirical Evidence: Brown’s research on vulnerability and courage has shown that embracing vulnerability is key to developing resilience, mental well-being, and the ability to cope with life’s challenges. Vulnerability in therapy can lead to significant positive changes in an individual’s life.

4. Given the Tools to Work on Yourself

Therapy equips you with essential tools to become the handyman of your own mind. You’ll learn how to communicate effectively, handle stress, and understand and manage your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors through self-regulation.

• Empirical Evidence: Research has consistently shown that various therapeutic modalities, including CBT and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), are effective in teaching individuals practical tools for emotion regulation, stress management, and communication skills. These skills have been associated with improved mental health and better relationships.

5. Training for the Mind

Therapy provides an opportunity to develop a greater sense of self-awareness, mindfulness skills, and engagement in the present moment. It challenges your perspectives and fosters an environment of change and personal growth. This results in a more fulfilling life and the building of resilience.

• Empirical Evidence: Mindfulness-based interventions have gained popularity in therapy and have been linked to reductions in symptoms of anxiety and depression, increased self-awareness, and improved overall well-being. These interventions promote a greater sense of being present and engaging fully with one’s life.

Conclusion

Therapy is far from a passive or “feminine” pursuit; it’s a courageous step toward personal growth and change. Emotions do not diminish your strength; they are an integral part of being human. The willingness to confront your inner struggles and work through them demonstrates true masculinity. So, whether you’re a man or woman, consider giving therapy a chance. It’s not a sign of weakness but a testament to your strength and resilience.

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References

Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House.

Öst, L. G. (2008). Efficacy of the third wave of behavioral therapies: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Behaviour research and therapy, 46(3), 296-321.

Patel, J., & Patel, P. (2019). Consequences of repression of emotion: Physical health, mental health and general well being. International Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research, 1(3), 16.